#if i didnt tag u i either forgot or it wouldnt let me sorry ^_^;;

[camzverse]

okhey everyone! i am just letting you know i will be deleting my original account tomorrow (probably) to move to this one. just cause i wanted to fully start over on tumblr if that makes sense

my og account was @ camzverse and ill be using that username here too

tagging (most of) my mutuals so u all can be aware -> @finalgrillwillgraham @angel-of-fallen-dreams @mevweasley @lunedegrel @marcy-wu-on-the-brain @carnosa3 @koalas-cave @justanotherfanartist @first-sight-and-second-thoughts

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[etherealino]

works of 2020.

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! chose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want so we can spread the love and link each other’s awesome works!

tagged by: @chaninfused and @missinghan thank u my loves. ♥️

tagging: @lavenderlattaes @wooyukh @vamchanstopher @unsaidhj @maaneskin @nightshade-minho @ anyone else who wants to,, i lack in friends here im so sorry SJSJSJSJSJSJ

im not sure if i’ve written a lot buuut sjsjsjs there are some fics that im rlly proud of like rlly proud even though i sometimes take 9 months to finish it bcs honestly some prompts are still from 2018. anyway,,,

1. too early but not enough // l. minho

i’m not gonna lie. im not proud w the title but it took me months to go with one. but i’ve created this one simply with the prompt “well, you’re early.” and everything just came crashing to me. it was just supposed to be a blurb, really until i lay down my bed and was like ‘shit. well.’ i’ve had the idea since may, been working on it since may and only finished the day before minho’s birthday lmao. i’m in love with reincarnated aus and yeah djshdbfjh well u see what i did there. also, i saw a lot say it reminded them of the kdramas black, goblin and hotel del luna and ngl, goblin is the only one that i’ve watched. i just seriously love this one and it is my fave so far in my works. KJFHBDFJ and this is my most hyped one,, i think,, but it received a lot of positive feedbacks aND GRRR THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU

2. kisses // l. minho

yeah. another minho. i dont know how i came up with this. i just did. i forgot how !! maybe bcs my friends would leave me kisses either on the top of my head or on my cheek when we see or say bye to each other. and i just melted into puddles when i thought of minho doing it. oh there we go i remembered. but yes !! i worked on this for 9 months HAHAHHA,, i reMEMBER WAKING UP AT 3 AM TO BE ABLE TO POST THIS BCS MY WIFI WAS SHITTY AROUND THAT TIME AND THEN TUMBLR WOULDNT LET ME POST AND THEN FURAT ASKED ME WHAT HAPPENED IDK WHY IM SCREAMING BUT IM JUST LAUGHING SO HARD,, this is actually my first full length fic and i kept rereading the last part bcs idk i love how i wrote this one djdhjdj

3. mixtape: on track // s. changbin

i’ve had this idea since 2018 and didnt stan skz yet. it was simply bcs of song request by lee sora ft yoongi and another filipino song that my best friend and i always clown (hi babi lmao) bcs it’s basically requesting a song bcs they’re heartbroken. anyway, i’ve almost written this for kyungsoo from exo, i used to have a side blog but idk where that went,, thankfully i was too lazy to write it and then two years later, skz releases on track and i remembered the plot i had in my head about radio thingy and it was just simply perfect for binnie bcs he wrote it. and i’m really glad i never wrote it before and that i got to write it for binnie.

4. three times you show him you love him and the one time you actually said it // b. chan

yup, i just posted that HAHAHAHA but the thing about it is the last part. idk, i saw it in ig and i loved it. so here we are. i think i should’ve named it saturn instead or something. 

5. soft unplanned kisses // ot8

i wrote this in one seating and i’m proud HAHDHFHAH also, i just think that unplanned kisses are the most meaningful kisses.

that’s it. that’s my top 5 and i just wanted to say that thank you for reading my works even though i’m not proud of most of it. but still thank you. i love you!  stay safe, doll. <3